Many have asked about the great photo, and given the writing I have done on albinism lately, I thought I should provide the story behind the image.

Fashion photographer Rick Guidotti took it in December 1999 for Positive Exposure, his groundbreaking project to photograph persons with albinism from every country in the world that took off after his spread “Redefining Beauty” ran in the June 1998 Life Magazine. My photo would be part of Guidotti’s collection he exhibited at venues beginning in 2000.

He was excited to have me at his Gramercy Park studio. I had the usual mix of honor and shame I bring to most efforts of expression, only this time the split was total. When Rick ran through the same setup procedures he performed prior to capturing Kate Moss or Cindy Crawford, with just me under the lights, that was an emotional roll call that I found hard to answer, but loved hearing.

That chasm between how I feel about my appearance and how I really saw myself was one thing Rick helped me explore. As I stood there, smiling, scowling, or shrugging off the clicks, I felt a transformation begin. And not simply because I knew that the session would yield at least one great photo, the Platonic negative, that I could have forever as my moment of presentability; or that Rick’s eye would find “the real me” when he quipped at my prattling about “needing the right frame of mind to look happy.” “Oh shut up–you stars and your motivation!”

The moment of insight was seeing how one’s self image can change in an instant.
With each click, I felt how few times my appearance had been elevated at all. At 17, I caught the eye of a cocktail waitress who wanted to do my hair–and she created a bold, affirming style. Years later, I was spotted at a health club, and sat before a group of women while a gorgeous fashion consultant matched color swatches to assemble a pallet that gave even one of limited coloring some new and confirming shades of harmony.

I liked the punk haircut and still search the perfect sea-foam sweater, but such things are about being looked at from the outside. Rick’s session was my first experience of feeling worthy of being looked at just for who I am. Though Rick’s camera revealed that my body was opening night while my self-image was still casting the lead (and bridging that gap is still a challenge), I am so grateful for the experience, and for the reinforcement it gave me for that lifelong battle of loving who you are.

For more information on Positive Exposure, visit www.rickguidotti.com.